I suffer from imposter syndrome. There, I said it. Long before I started drawing, I knew I struggled with this psychological phenomenon, which can be a rather debilitating little beast. They say it develops through a complex mix of childhood upbringing, personality traits, and environment.
Which probably makes sense. I grew up as the only girl with three brothers. Although I was never pressured to outshine them — in fact, I was the family “princess” — I always felt I had to make that extra effort to be noticed. Growing up as a foreigner in Singapore, I also had this constant desire to blend in. I could go on and on about the times imposter syndrome reared its ugly head, but this post isn’t really about me.
Well, not really.
While I’ve managed to get a fairly firm grip on this pesky behaviour most of the time, it would be an outright lie to say I’m comfortable receiving praise for my art. So, in an attempt to keep those pesky doubts in check, I decided I needed an “Evidence Portfolio” — otherwise known as the Testimonials page on my website. Shallow as that may sound (there’s that insecurity again!), it helps to revisit these kind words whenever a fresh wave of self-doubt rolls in.
Here’s a little of what some very kind people have said about my work.
“Leah puts so much attention and care to her craft.” — Mai Tatoy
I really do! Every portrait gets hours of attention, layer upon layer of coloured pencil, and the occasional muttering when a patch of fur refuses to cooperate. It’s nice to know that the care I put into my work comes through.
“Beyond the remarkable likeness, what truly stood out was the artist’s rare ability to capture each dog’s unique personality and essence.” — Deborah Lim
I’m convinced the dogs (and cats!) talk to me while I’m drawing them. In my head, at least. Haha! But seriously, capturing their individual personalities is one of the things I love most about doing pet portraits. A likeness is important, of course, but I want the finished drawing to feel like that particular pet, not just any dog or cat.
“Her passion and artistic ability are incredible, and the finished piece is something I’ll treasure forever.” — Tiffany Marshall
This truly warms my heart. Knowing that something I’ve created will be treasured long after I’ve put my pencils away is a lovely thought. And yes, it makes all those hours of drawing worthwhile.
“Thank you, Leah, for giving us such a precious way to remember Diamond and Rudolf.” — Belinda Tan
The pleasure is truly mine. Memorial portraits are especially meaningful because they offer a way to hold on to the memory of much-loved companions. I feel privileged whenever someone trusts me with something so precious.
These testimonials help keep my imposter syndrome at bay. The people who wrote them, whether they know it or not, have become part of my support system. I’m grateful, too, to everyone who has repeatedly encouraged me and reminded me that I have a talent worth pursuing — even if my first instinct is sometimes to dismiss their kind words as nothing more than them being polite. Yes, apparently, even compliments need to pass a credibility check in my head!
I don’t think there will ever be a day when I won’t experience some self-doubt. But I’m getting better at recognising it for what it is, and I suppose that’s an important part of learning to manage it. It also helps to know that even successful and accomplished people struggle with these feelings. If they can learn to live with the doubt and keep going, perhaps I can, too.
So, to Mai, Deborah, Tiffany, Belinda, and everyone else who has taken the time to share their thoughts about my work: thank you. You may think you were simply saying something nice about a drawing, but your words have done much more than that. On days when my inner critic decides to hold yet another performance review, I have a little evidence to present in my defence.
And for that, I’m truly grateful.
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